tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43942243724593850692024-02-19T21:51:46.038-08:00Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWMike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4394224372459385069.post-77891304769073248402013-01-28T13:17:00.003-08:002013-01-28T13:17:46.840-08:00Gun Control: A social Worker's Perspective
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gun Control:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
Social Worker’s Perspective<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The
issue of gun control has been an on-going situation over the years, but has
gained increased attention due to recent events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the past few weeks there has been much
attention given to tougher laws, increased mental health screenings and
increased security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to take time
to address the complicated issue of gun control from one social worker’s
perspective and take the discussion on this issue in perhaps a different
direction than where it has been going so far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I
want to point out a myth that this debate has brought out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A myth that has come out is that mass murders
are committed by seriously mentally ill people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In an article by </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Michael
B. Friedman<i> </i>that appeared in the January 17, 2013 edition of the
Huffington Post, Friedman points out that people with mental illness are not
likely to be violent and that acts of mass murder are carried out by some who
are mentally ill, but these types of acts are also likely to be carried out by
those who are not mentally ill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
an important point to make because there have been calls for increased
attention to those with mental illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does this mean that people who have identified themselves as having
issues with mental health have limited rights?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am not talking about the right for a person with mental health issues
to own a gun, but rather are persons with mental health issues going to be
labeled violent and have their access limited to the community at large?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a question that remains to be
addressed in the debate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Aside from the issue of mental health and gun use, I want to bring out
a deeper discussion of why people may choose to use violence to deal with some
situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have pondered this for
some time and have wondered how much the role of shame has played in a person’s
choice to use violence over other options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>First, I need to define a key difference between shame and guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word shame is defined per the Social Work
Dictionary 5th edition (Baker 2003) as:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i>A painful feeling of having
disgraced or dishonored oneself or those one cares about because of an
intentional act, involuntary behavior or circumstance.</i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guilt is defined per the Social Work Dictionary 5th edition (Baker
2003) as:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>An emotional reaction to
the perceptions of having done something wrong, having failed to do something
or violating important social norms.<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you look at these two definitions there is an important difference
between the two states.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guilt is an
emotional reaction to violating social norms and to put it simply says “I did
something bad.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shame on the other hand
is a much deeper feeling in which a person internalizes feelings of negative
self worth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basically, shame says “I am
a bad person.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I look at the incidents of mass violence and violence in general,
I have wondered if the person or persons committing the violence have
experienced shame in some way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My point
is that if shame is left unattended and not dealt with, that a person may
choose to use violence to deal with the feeling of being wronged or slighted by
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This choice may not be used for
a few incidents, but over time if a person experiences many incidents of being
wronged either by others, systems or even by themselves they may feel the only
way around these intense feelings is to hurt others to feel vindicated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other issue that is related to shame is
power or the lack of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a person
lacks the power to make changes to deal with the shame they have experienced
they may choose violence as a way to achieve power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me the issue of gun control is more than banning guns or not, it is
more about looking at why people choose to use violence in the first place. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that when the underlying issues of
violence are addressed, you may see a reduction in all violence in
general.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also believe that when a
person is given the chance to be heard and they are able to get their story
out, it goes a long way to reducing the feelings of shame and guilt that if
left unchecked can lead to violence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Brené Brown, Ph.D. has done some excellent work on vulnerability and
work on shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have included a link to
her work on shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She addresses the
issue of how shame impacts our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She has focused her work on listening to people’s stories and learning
about what pain they have been through as well as what people have done to deal
with these intense feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The link is
below.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/videos"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.brenebrown.com/videos</span></span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you get to the site, please click on the “listening to shame”
video.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have stated this in a previous post on new path notes that I believe
it is very important for people of all ages to have a safe place and a safe
person in which to share their hurts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
believe if a person is truly heard the feelings of shame and hurt can be
reduced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am speaking of all violence
types not just those involving guns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When people start to deal with the feelings that are behind the
violence, violence can be reduced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
people are given the chance to be heard they begin to heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Please remember that there are people out there willing to listen to what is going on in your life. All you need to is start asking people to listen. I wish the best to you all!! </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">© 2013 Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSW <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4394224372459385069.post-5241307513729271032012-12-17T06:20:00.000-08:002012-12-17T06:20:07.449-08:00Dealing with Holiday Stress
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">December
16, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dealing
with Holiday Stress<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stress is a common and normal part of everyday life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We experience stress as a result of job,
school, family, social and other life events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Stress in small amounts for a short period of time can be of some help,
spurring us on to complete tasks and meet goals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When stress is prolonged over a long period
of time and continuous, stress can cause major issues mentally and
physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This piece is meant to
provide some insight on how to deal with a particularly stressful time of year,
the holiday season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The holiday season tends to be a more stressful time than
other times of the year, assuming that the other times of the year are not
filed with major life event stressors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The reason the holidays tend to be a more stressful time of year is due
to several factors:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
demands of entertaining or being involved with many events<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Financial
because of all the demands to purchase gifts especially if a person is on a
tight budget<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Depression
due to the loss of loved ones who would normally share in the holiday events<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Feelings
of guilt over saying no to many invitations to events<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dealing
with feelings of anger or hurt over past wrongs committed against us by family<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The list above names just a
few reasons we would feel more stress around the holiday times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is important to remember that we
experience stress all year long, but the holidays tend to be more stressful
because all of the stress we feel during the year tends to build up, and the
flurry of events that entail the season are all compacted into a very short
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, too much to do and
not enough time to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some
ways to lessen the stress of a very hectic season:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learn to understand what your body is telling
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When a person feels stress, the
body is the indicator of what is going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Signs such as headaches, upset stomach, clenching teeth and fatigue can
all be signs of the body and mind being under stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learn to recognize what your body is telling
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These signs may mean you need to
back off a bit and take it easy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take time for yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can be easier said than done, but if you
make a conscious effort you can take time for yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When people fail to do this, the holidays can
overwhelm them and they may not be able to rest mentally and physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make an effort to take breaks in a busy day;
remember to breath deep and let it out slow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Communicate,
communicate, communicate!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are
feeling stressed and overwhelmed, talk with others and let them know how you
are feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often, talking with other
people is very helpful in stress reduction, as you may find others who share
your issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You learn that you are not
alone in the holiday process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Exercise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with taking time for you is exercising.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, in the middle of the rush, people
forget to go for a good walk or take time to stretch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exercise is a great way to keep yourself fit
and reduce stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exercise can also be
done as a fun holiday activity with family and friends after dinner or events.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Do
not feel guilty about setting limits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You know how much you can deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do not let feelings of guilt let you take on more than you can
handle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Set some limits and say no if
need be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you do not set some limits
on your time, your time will be taken from you and you will not be able to be
at your best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Understand
that you may experience feelings of loss, especially if you have lost loved
ones who would normally be a part of annual family gatherings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Understand that it is normal to feel sad at
times due to the loss and know that it is important to share your thoughts and
feelings about this with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Please,
please do not be afraid to seek out professional help if needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many times people feel guilty or ashamed
to seek out professional help at this time of year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know that it is alright to ask for help, and
others have done this in the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Asking for help does not mean you are weak or soft; it is healthy to do
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many places to reach out
to, like crisis hot lines, shelters and hospitals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is my hope that in this holiday season you are able to
reduce your stress and enjoy time with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Remember that there is help available for all who need it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">© Mike Arieta
2012</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4394224372459385069.post-57349830158280544592012-11-11T17:27:00.002-08:002012-11-11T17:27:49.628-08:00
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">November 11, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-Efficacy:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Key Building Block to Success<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Over the past few weeks, the term of self-efficacy has been
on my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has come from a
combination of media attention about kids struggling in school and a continuing
education course I am currently taking on the basics of the addiction
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What has continually come to
light for me is the longer people are left to fail, the more likely they are to
develop an attitude that they can never succeed in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This attitude of failure can be exacerbated
by things said or little things that are done to individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to take time to first define what
self-efficacy is and give my thoughts on what will increase it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to the
Social Work Dictionary 5<sup>th</sup> edition 2003, self-efficacy is defined as
follows:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A client’s expectations
or beliefs in his or her ability to accomplish specified tasks that are needed
to reach therapeutic goals.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This means that if a person has an expectation of success or
mastery of a given skill, the more likely they will accomplish the task given
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The opposite would be true if the
person experienced repeated failure at a given task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The main point here is that people do not
master tasks overnight, and that success is truly a journey if I may coin a
phrase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same can be said of failure,
that it can be a journey as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People
who experience long-term failure can develop low self-efficacy; thus, when help
is provided, it may take longer for them to develop a sense of
accomplishment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is important to understand that, when dealing with people
who have experienced long-term failure, they may not respond to well-intentioned
intervention or assistance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The key is
to start where the person is at, and to help them achieve small successes and
then build on these.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One other important
point to make is that people need support when they fail to try again and
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe it is so important to
help people find a safe place where they are allowed learn from failure and
find small successes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I posted last in May of 2012 on life skills 2.0 what I have
learned along the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned in
that post of the importance of finding a safe place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meant that whole-heartedly because a safe
place or even a person is where you can go to recharge your spirit and fight on
another day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People will and do
experience failure, but they can learn to succeed if given support to do so.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">© Mike Arieta, 2012<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4394224372459385069.post-74172086610756486902012-05-03T20:14:00.000-07:002012-05-03T20:14:27.638-07:00Life Skills 101<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Life Skills 101<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">(What
I have learned along the way)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Mike
Arieta M.S.W, LICSW, LMSW<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Lately, there has been a lot of discussion about higher education
and what students who are seeking post secondary education should know before
making the decision to enter a college or university.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many young people who are at a cross roads in
their lives are wondering what are the best choices to make or what path they
should take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Below is a list of items
that are meant to be a guide to making decisions that will impact their
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know that you will make
mistakes and this is <u>OK</u>!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
will learn from the mistakes you make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The issue of making mistakes is not to say that you should intentionally
make them, but realize when you make a mistake and be willing to accept
feedback.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who experience
disorders know the frustration of not completing a task and may give up quickly
when a mistake is made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to be
willing to be flexible and to keep trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When a mistake is made you must be willing to take a step back and
evaluate the situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seek out the
opinion of a trusted friend or support person and listen to what is said, then
make adjustments based on what you learned from the advice you were given and
what you learned from previous experiences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know and understand the
system you are working with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think of
this as a library.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A library is a big
place and has tons of good information, but you need to know how to find that
information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to go to the
catalog or resource person in the library to help you find where the book is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are working or going to school you need
to know where to go or who to ask when you need information about how to do
your job or what class to take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>School
or work can be a big place and you can get lost when you don’t have good
information to complete your task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Develop a good support system
of family, friends, teachers and others who will encourage and guide you as you
strive to meet your goals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find a safe
place where you can go to be yourself, laugh, cry and have fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This place may be a church, club or
classroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surround yourself with people
in these places who know and understand you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Know yourself. Knowing
yourself means you have a good idea of what your strengths and weaknesses
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing yourself also means you
understand what your disability or diagnosis is and how to explain this to
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you can explain what your
disability is to others they get to understand you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They get to understand why you do a task
differently than others or take more time to complete a task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you understand what your disability is,
you also need to know what kind of accommodations you need to help you be
successful on the job or at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Think of yourself as an educator or ambassador.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more you know about yourself, the more
you can advocate for yourself to be successful. Knowing yourself also means
that you are comfortable with who you are as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may take time to develop, but you must
like who you are as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may
take time to learn, but the more you can accept all of yourself and the more
comfortable you are with who you are, then and only then can others be
comfortable around you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask for help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, if you don’t ask, no one will know
what you need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not be afraid to try
and if you fail try again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please know
that others have experienced many of the same difficulties and failed but, they
learned from their mistakes and succeeded over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Quotes to help you keep going when you fail:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“Success
is not final and failure is not fatal…it’s the courage to continue that
counts.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- </span></i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Winston
Churchill <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“Our greatest glory is not in
never failing, but in rising up every time we<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">fail.“ </span></i><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">-
Ralph Waldo Emerson <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">7.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be committed to what you
start. If it takes you longer to figure something out or get something done,
that’s ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just finish what you
start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">8.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learn to laugh at
yourself and embrace what makes you different. Those differences are a part of
you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">9.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plan for the
future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This means if you plan on going
on to a better job or other schooling you need to know how to access
information to help you complete your future goals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learn to speak up and advocate for
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can learn how to do this
by sitting in on the parent/teacher conferences about your progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You learn what is being said about you and
the teachers get to know who you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can learn how to advocate for yourself by speaking up in these
meetings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t understand <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>something that is being said, ask
questions so that you do understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
need to know if the information that is presented about you is accurate and
correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want to advocate for
yourself, so that you can assist in the planning of your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Planning for the future also means thinking BIG, but starting
small.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have a goal to get a job
or complete school, you don’t become president of the company or graduate
overnight. You become president of the company by starting at the bottom and
learning each job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You graduate after
taking the needed classes or completing the needed training.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each success is a stepping stone to your
ultimate goal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have a goal in mind, but
work with your teachers to develop a plan on how to reach the goal you set for
yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 35.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Further
notes on looking at college or training programs <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 35.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 53.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When looking at a college
or training program, be sure to compare costs and look at more than one
program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Costs are different and you
have to look at both the direct costs (tuition and fees) and the indirect costs
(travel, living on or off campus, food and entertainment).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can get the direct costs information from
the college or training program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can
also find some of the indirect costs from the college or training program, but
you may want to speak with former students and find out what they have paid for
their living costs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are also very
good questions to ask the college or program representative as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
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</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Do research on the degree or certification you want to
obtain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look at the potential income
that the training will help you obtain and what you will need to pay back such
as loans or other financing options.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">When doing a campus visit, schedule meetings with both the
admissions and financial aid offices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sit down with the admissions office and discuss what is needed to get
into the program and what is needed to graduate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sit down with the financial aid office and
find out the costs of the program and what options are available to assist in
paying for the program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Look at the environment that surrounds the college or program you
are looking at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This not only means
looking at the physical location, buildings and grounds, but also looking at
how you fit within the program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk to
othe<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>r students in the program and find out what they
think of the program and their future prospects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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when looking at further education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, pursuing further education is a big step and can be helpful in
transitioning into the working world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hopefully as you look at your plans you ask questions and find the right
fit for you and your future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS!!!! </span></b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Mike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4394224372459385069.post-51316490982539354272012-03-22T21:26:00.000-07:002012-03-23T21:41:38.211-07:00Kind wordsI am reminded each day how important it is to use kind words when interacting with people. Words have power and they can hurt or help others. <br />
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Since I work with people as my chosen career, I tend to watch people interacting. I notice when people use harsh words with each other and how those words can make a person's day or make the day not so bright. Harsh words can escalate negative attitudes in others and break down trust. Kind words can invite others to be more open and willing to work with you. I have a picture located on my desktop of a hand with Proverbs 15:1 listed. The verse says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." NIV. <br />
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This statement stands out to me and reminds me each day that I need to check my attitude and choose words that will help others rather then turn them away. Kind WordsMike Arieta MSW, LICSW, LMSWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06507252194828399220noreply@blogger.com0